the real life

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Posts by the real life

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  33

  paranoid and ready to officially leave!

  by leftchica in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  so i officially realized today that i am paranoid!!

  everytime i hear a car door slam outside i peek out the window.

  my blinds are closed and the telivision is on low.

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  the real life

  Good post, Jeff. I agree that honesty and sincerity are what bring peace. That was one of the biggest reasons I left. I knew I could never be sincere in JW activities again and I wanted to wake up every morning knowing that every action I took was what I really wanted to do. And leftchica, hang in there. I remember when I was first fading, I hung out in my basement a lot with the main lights of the house off and I always freaked out when the doorbell rang, or if I heard a car. I made friends park in the garage, and I was constantly on the lookout for witnesses or witness cars when I went out (small town). All of this seems unecessary looking back, but part of me is glad I faded rather than DA, for family reasons (I stil have parents who are half-in). About a year after leaving, I moved out of the country, so I am completely free of any related anxiety. Just take your time, and focus on learning about yourself. Things tend to eventually work out. I wish you the best.
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  66

  Stupidest JW meeting answers

  by GapingMouth in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was thinking about some stupid non-sensical answers i have heard over the years.

  "we all know the blue whale is the biggest fish"

  "we were on the ministry and met a coloured couple.

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  the real life

  There was a recording being passed around a couple of years ago of a brother giving a District Convention talk in Illinois about the "wondrous creations of Jehovah." There was something about the giant squid and the brother said testicles in place of tentacles throughout the talk (he has 10 large testicles and can reach lengths up to 46 feet from the caudal fin to the longest two testicles, etc). It was a manuscript talk at that.
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  8

  "apostates" and the internet

  by drew sagan in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm sure some of you have seen this, but it still makes me laugh.. .

  taken from:.

  http://pastorrussell.blogspot.com/.

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  the real life

  hahaha

  creditable?

  I think he meant credible...
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  8

  The long term effects of losing friends and family through shunning

  by finding my way in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've recently been thinking about this topic as i've been finding old friends on facebook etc.

  that were just gone one day because either their whole family da'd themselves or they had been df'd.

  not to mention the friends i lost when i myself was df'd.. most of my life i found this losing of friends normal because it was what i was used to.

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  the real life

  I think about this a lot too. Having difficulty letting yourself get attached emotionally to people is certainly not unique to witnesses. As Spook said, it is common for people to lose touch with childhood friends and to make longer-lasting friendships in their mid- to late-twenties.

  On the other hand, I do think that as dubs, we were taught to always try to find common ground with people and to always agree! I know a few other ex-dubs who find themselves not always being honest right away about their differences and disagreements in an attempt to maintain the status quo and not make any waves. I guess that's not quite the same issue, but I think it has a negative effect on the depth of relationships.

  Being taught to agree and look for common ground makes us completely ignorant of the fact that differences in perspective are beautiful and fascinating and can be the basis on which to build new relationships. I think that a lot of witness friendships are rather shallow - we aren't really allowed to share every side of ourselves, as we're constantly in fear of offending someone.

  All of that can't be good for long-term relationship building. It trained us to disguise our true selves and to be content with only getting to know the opinions of others that were in line with our own beliefs.
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  26

  Young JW sisters in a hurry

  by asilentone in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  did you notice any young jw sisters in the past that did rush to get married too young and to have a baby right away before the end comes?

  did you hear any stories of regret?

  i was wondering if the watchtower is to blame for?.

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  the real life

  I was married at 19 and divorced at 22. The more I read the boards and the more news I hear from my old congregation, this story is very, very common. Many of my former friends married young and are now divorced. I can think of six couples just in one congregation. And of course, most of them ended by adultery as well. Kind of a miserable pattern...
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  Any ex-dub expats?

  by the real life in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi,

  i was just wondering if there are any ex-witnesses on the board currently living in paris?

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  the real life

  Hi, I was just wondering if there are any ex-witnesses on the board currently living in Paris?
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  27

  has your life been "blessed" since leaving?

  by tigeress in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  while in the org we are constantly told that if we just tow the line and behave that will we be blessed and everything we want will come to us.

  personaly i havn't found that to be the case in the 30 years i spent trying to tow the line.. but now i've left wonderfull things are starting to happen in my life and i'm so very happy!.

  so i wondered, have you encountered more "blessings" or less since leaving?.

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  the real life
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  63

  Have you Overcome Guilt & Fear Since Exiting Jehovah's Witnesses ?

  by flipper in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  minimus had a great thread recently asking if any who were witnesses felt guilt as a jehovah's witness.

  thought i would build on that a little dealing with how you have moved on after being a jehovah's witness ?.

  one definition of guilt in the american heritage dictionary is : " self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing ".

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  the real life

  As a young child, I remember having extreme guilt for what, in looking back, was normal kid behavior (i.e, crushes, holding hands, using the occasional swear word, etc.) There were times during my adolescence when I just didn't feel sincere about many aspects of the organization. For this, I often felt that I was a bad person, that I didn't have a good heart, etc. Later, as an extremely young wife longing for worldly experiences (worldly in the usual sense - travel, romance, cultural experiences and socio-political involvement - not the JW sense) I cheated on my husband. After I had ended the relationship, confessed to my husband, and started working through all manner of personal issues, I had a very difficult time understanding why I had made that bad decision. In some ways I feel like something subconscious was pushing me out of my situation. Somewhere deep down I must have known that I wasn't where I belonged. As I've grown, post-JW, I feel that I've become a more thoughtful person. I find that being raised in an organized religion like the JWs trains a person to turn off his or her powers of perception. Within the organization, while I certainly thought I was making conscious choices, I think my decisions were mainly based on the opinion of others and the handy list of dos and don'ts. Even good things I did as a witness were often with the aim of pleasing someone and not often out of a sincere desire. I very rarely feel guilt as an ex-witness because I find that I make much more thoughtful decisions. My decisions are no longer about conforming to or breaking a rule, pleasing or displeasing a group or an individual. Every new circumstance warrants its own consideration and everything I do, good or bad, I try to do with sincerity. That's not to say that I never do things I regret, but when I do, I feel like I fully understand and take responsibility for that choice. I think guilt comes from feeling like you didn't have presence of mind when you made a decision. It comes from a lack of understanding of your own choices. Fortunately I don't experience that kind of frustration anymore.
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  39

  Question about your spouse or ex

  by bluecanary in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i've noticed we have a few male posters here with wives who are still in the jws.

  and i can think of one female poster (cognac) with a husband in the jws (although things are looking up for her).

  of course we have a few spouses that came out together.. is it me, or does it seem like the women here are more likely to have divorced their jw husband--even before leaving--whereas the men are more likely to stay with their wives?

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  the real life

  I was raised as a witness, married at 19, and divorced at 22. My husband and I were at university at the time and had questioned various aspects of doctrine, etc. together for quite awhile. We were somewhat on the same page spiritually, and slowly stopped going to meetings before we were actually divorced. Though we went our separate ways, we are now both pursuing happy and fulfilling lives (better than anything I could have possibly imagined for myself) and are both in committed, healthy relationships. The divorce and pursuit of our individual goals and life paths kind of all happened naturally and coincided with leaving the organization. We stopped going to meetings together and continued to not go after we were separated. We managed to avoid various people who tried to hunt us down. At the time, I was encouraged by my witness parents not to say anything that would label me as being in opposition to the witnesses to protect my relationship with them. Shortly thereafter, I moved out of the country, so no judicial action was ever taken. I did agree to explain my conflicts with JW beliefs to an elder friend at one point, but it was a private discussion and he never shared what I said with anyone else or took action against me. On the other hand, I know of a couple who is struggling tremendously with a similar spiritual situation. Neither of them are on board with JW doctrine and organizational procedures, but while the wife is prepared to leave, the husband wants to remain loosely attached to the organization so as not to lose friends (and because he believes he can have an influence for the good on witnesses who are beaten down by the borg). The organization is really wreaking havoc on their relationship. They aren't free to make individual spiritual choices without drastically affecting the other's options.
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  7

  Can A SIngle Person Ever Be As Happy As An Attached Person?

  by wouldacouldashoulda in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do we as humans need the love of a signifcant other to be truly complete?.

  i was born single and then got married.

  despite going thru a divorce my happiest days were whilst courting and married.. w.

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  the real life

  I think people need companionship and friends and it's a special gift to have an intimate companion. Everyone's needs are different. If you feel that you were happiest when you were with someone, maybe that's what you need. However, I do believe that a person must be happy and confident alone before they can truly be happy in a couple. Otherwise, the relationship becomes unbalanced when one or both partners are constantly seeking fulfillment from the other. Two solid individuals are what make happy couples. Best, AP